Life between us

Oh how I hate her
if she only knew
She's the mother of insanity
I wish it weren't true
She drives the wind
and pours the rain
She shines the sun
and glows the moon
then shines the sun again
Oh how I despise her
if she only knew
I have no choice
In every morn
I rise for her
And every night
she knocks me down
It doesn't matter
who is near
It's of no concern
to her I fear
Oh how she makes me do
whatever she wants me to
Bending but never breaking me
in two
Twisting me
Pulling me
from all sides at once
Oh how I've cried
and cried
and tried
to no avail
and all my efforts fail
I wish I knew
what it is she wants
what she needs from me
she helps herself
I give all I can
But I am just one man
her hunger exceeds me
her thirst drains me
I'm doing what I can
God how I hate this
this I'm sure she knows
like the snow storm
on my wedding day
and when she rains
on all my new clothes
I don't know why
or when
But I remember
day back then
When it seemed to me
that I was free
Why can't it be
why won't she
let me
die happy.

Close my eyes
relax
and think of nothing
forget about the world
tonight
shut my eyes tight
everything
has to be right
has to be alright
it'll be alright
without me tonight
let me lie in peace
tonight
close my eyes
relax
forget about the world
tonight
shut my eyes tight
everyone has someone
to be with
tonight
they'll be alright
they'll have to be
alright
tonight
without me
tonight
let me lie in peace
but here we go
around for one more time.

Who am I
but you
a different face
perhaps
who are you
but him
who's just like me
through the thin
and thick of it all
can't you see
we're the same inside
although we try hard
to hide
the things that make us
alike
who are you
but me
a different face
perhaps
who am I
but her
who's just like you
believe it
it's true
I am me and you are you
but we are all alike
for who are we but us
and they are them
the only difference is
the space
the life between us.

Your man

It`s best to begin at the start
before getting into my heart
before love came
when it rained
it just rained
I was a lonely boy
looking for a lonely girl
someone just like me
too many times
I gave my heart
too many times
I cried
making all the same mistakes
every time
until one night
I almost died
I found her
with another man
I gave her everything
that I possibly could
I bought her diamond rings
and a red sports car
I took her half way round the world with me
she left my heart a scar
And now when the sun shines
it`s raining in my heart
I`m afraid to love
I`m afraid to let go
of the pain I felt that day
now I`m afraid to love
To love the way I did before
please don`t misunderstand me
don`t get up
don`t walk out the door
I`ll try to love again
but I can`t help it
when it rains in my heart
I get afraid once again
of the hurt I felt before
I hope that you can or try
to have the patience to
overlook the way I act or am
I`ll be the best that I can
for you
for now and forever
just give it a chance
and you`ll see
just like me
that I can be
that same man
I feel it
And I know I can
It`s the haunts of my past
that trapped my love for you
in a tin can
take me in your arms
take love out of the can
I can be your Genie
I can be your man.

The inside

Life! Ha!
None of it really
matters much to me
It hurts like hell that's for sure
but what I will say is this
that my life is just that way
riding high all the time
on a suicide drive-by
every day
My mind's a mess
My heart's fucked up
The harder I try to
to get my shit together
I more I hear
the same old words again
I can't believe it
I can't believe my ears
Makes me wanna quit
quit it all
everyone and everything.

What I have got
If I don't have love
I close my eyes and sleep
won't come
The dreams that you have
are nightmares to me
My fears chase me
into the night
I feel alone with you
right there beside me
I feel dark and cold
I feel old
There's so much I need
to do yet
There's so much I need
to say yet
There's so much I need
to love yet
Don't take my love away.

Spinning in a funnel
unable to grab hold
a downward spiral
I feel cold
Unable to grab hold
sometimes the end
looks better
even better than
starting over again
Perhaps it's wrong to feel
this way
but my opinion is all
I have today
It matter so much
to me today
The hurt cut so deep
there's no blood
Take to corpse away.

Another heart torn out
another death by love today
I could care
but I don't
Crack a nut
you break the shell
I'm about the inside
I am the inside
This shell you see
is not me
I'm not this, that, these or those
I'm about the inside
I'm about what I chose.

To the bone again

What was I thinking
This can't be real
Bring on the night
bring on the pain
I've had too much
happiness once again.

My skin feels itchy
Crawling deep inside
If I could
I’d tear it off
Peel off my own hide
No longer able to hide
My feet are hot
So uncomfortable
If I could
I’d cut them off
No longer able to run
My body feels different
Sick and tired
It belongs to someone else
I feel odd, out of sorts
Not quite like myself today
If I could
I’d find myself today
Another me today
Another me to be
Another way today.

Looking through my window
Not sure what I see
Searching for something
But it’s not there for me
Shadows falling
In my direction
Streaks upon the glass
Memories of you rush in
And then they quickly pass
Streaks upon the glass
from the tears I have cried
over the lost love passed.

Reminders of all the times
we have both tried
Rays of sadness
As the sun begins to fade
Radiate in the silence
Echo the mistakes that we made.

Driven by a drive
Driven once before
Driven to a place
Driven to a door
Angels all around
What are they here for
The questions are gone
Same answer as before.

Bring on the night
And let it rain
Give it all to me
Tear out my heart
Run me over again.

I guess I was dreaming
Living with no pain
It lasted far too long
What was I thinking
It was bound to break
Happiness seems
too much to take
Bring on the night
Dark is my light
And now the rain
Make it cold and hard
Like my heart
Hit by a train
I guess I was dreaming
I must have been dreaming
again
Living life far too long
without pain
Bring on the night
bring on the pain
take it to the bone
again.

At Times

At times it oozes slowly
and at times it just pours out
At times I speak softly
and at times I just shout
at times I speak from a tense mouth
my lips begin to pout
at times I wish that I could speak
but the words just won’t come out
at times it seems to fit right in
even after I’ve just pulled it out
At times it will not return to where it came from
my own beastly snout!

Waking up

Woke up
WITH A PAIN INSIDE MY HEAD
SAT UP
AT THE EDGE OF THE BED
THOUGHT ABOUT
SLEEPING SOME MORE
BUT MY BACK ACHES TOO
AND MY LEGS
I CAN’T FALL ASLEEP ANY MORE
I CAN’T SLEEP WITH THE PAIN
I CAN’T REST WITH THE PAIN
I CAN’T SMILE WITH THE PAIN
FEELS LIKE I’LL NEVER SMILE AGAIN
I COULD TAKE SOME PILLS
TO HELP WITH THE PAIN
BUT I TAKE TOO MANY PILLS
THEY FUCK UP MY BRAIN
TOO MANY PILLS
TOO MUCH PAIN
DO I GET UP AND MEDICATE
THEN SHOWER TO HELP ALLEVIATE
THE PAIN
PAIN RUNS MY LIFE
PAIN STARTS THE SHOW
PAIN RULES MY WORLD
EVERYWHERE I GO
PAIN WHEN I’M HAPPY
PAIN WHEN I’M SAD
PAIN BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER
THE BEST SEX I EVER HAD
PAIN WHEN I’M PLAYING
PAIN WHEN I’M NOT

ONCE ON MY BIRTHDAY
PAIN WAS ALL I GOT
IT’S HARD TO EXPLAIN PAIN
BUT IT’S EASY TO SEE
I’M LAUGHING ON THE OUTSIDE
AT THE PAIN INSIDE ME
LATE AT NIGHT
OR AT THE BREAK OF DAWN
WHEN I’M AT WORK
OR PARTYING
BRING THE PAIN ON
IT DOESN’T MATTER MUCH TO ME
HOW I FEEL INSIDE
WHAT BOTHERS ME MOST I THINK
IS THE PAIN IS HARD TO HIDE
WHAT’S THE MATTER
ARE YOU OKAY
AND I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
ARE THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAY
ITS NOT THAT I MIND ANSWERING
OR TELLING WHAT IS WRONG
IT’S JUST DAY AFTER DAY
IT’S A BROKEN RECORD
PLAYING THE SAME OLD SONG
WOKE UP
WITH A PAIN INSIDE MY HEAD

On Guard for Thee

I STRUGGLE WITH DEMONS DAILY
SOME ARE STRANGE AND NEW TO ME
BUT MOST OF THEM I KNOW
SINCE THEY BELONG TO ME
THE WAY IN WHICH I DEAL WITH THEM
DIFFERS FROM ONE MOMENT TO THE NEXT
IT ALL DEPENDS ON MY STATE OF MIND
UPON MY WEAKNESSES AND STRENGTHS
IT SEEMS TO WORK ODDLY ENOUGH
WITH DEMONS AND DEVILS IN MY MIND
BUT THE HARDEST THING OF ALL I FIND
IS TO BATTLE THEM WHILST IN THE COMPANY
OF ANGELS IN MY MIND
THE SOFTEST AND KINDEST OF HEARTS
THE SWEETNESS AND UNDERSTANDING
THAT DISTRACTS ME
AND THE BATTLE BEGINS
I TELL AT TIMES I DON’T WANT TO BE ME
RESERVED, STAGNANT IN THE PRESENCE OF EVIL
YET SO BOLD AND OUTSPOKEN WITH THOSE WHO TRULY CARE
BOGGED DOWN, WATERLOGGED FROM NO WEIGHT BUT MY OWN
MY OWN CONSCIENCE AND SINS
I SOON FIND
MY ONLY OPPONENT
TO BE MY OWN MIND
OBSCURED BY THE FOG OF THE FIGHT
I FEEL REALITY KICK IN, SUCH A BIG BITE
THE WOUND PARTS WIDER
THOUGH NO BLOOD OR FLESH EVER SHOWS
THE SCAR THAT REMAINS GOUGED OUT
THE TOLL AND ITS PRICE PAID IN FULL
LEAVING BEHIND ONLY NIGHTMARES OF WHAT HAS NOT COME
CONDUCIVE TO SELF-DESTRUCTION
WORDS SPOKEN WITHOUT DIRECTION
RICOCHET BY UNCONSCIOUS DEFLECTION
STRIKING DIRECTLY AND WITH PAINFUL ACCURACY
BUT WORDS ARE JUST WORDS
THOUGHTS ARE JUST THOUGHTS
IT’S THE LIPS AND THE MIND THAT TRULY OUGHT TO SCARE US ALL
SO WHILE YOU SLEEP AND DREAM TONIGHT
I STAND GUARD
I STAND OVER YOU, YOUR THOUGHTS, YOUR FEELINGS AND YOUR MIND
I SPEAK TO GHOSTS
I FACT I SPEAK TO MINE
THE WORLD IS TROUBLED
DOES ANYONE ELSE CARE
WHO STANDS ON GUARD FOR ME
WHO STANDS ON GUARD WHEN I SLEEP
WHO WILL AWAKEN SHOULD I FALL ASLEEP
THE FUTURE LOOKS MUCH BRIGHTER THOUGH
AT LEAST AT THIS MOMENT, WHERE I STAND
IF YOU SHOULD CARE
ONCE ALL THE PAIN HAS BEEN GIVEN
SLEEP IS ALL YOU GET
SO SLEEP WELL
ANGER AND SHAME ARE THE LESSONS OF THE DAY
I COULD GIVE UP
BUT NOT TODAY
FROM THE HOLLOW SO DEEP INSIDE ME
COMES THE TEMPEST OF YOUR LOVE
CHANGING LIKE THE SEASONS
EACH EBBING AND FLOWING
I WEAR THE NAME OF YOUR DESCRIPTION
PURE, WHITE AND FROM ABOVE
THOUGH I DRINK FROM THE CHALICE OF SIN
TAKING ALL OF IT’S DROWNING NECTAR AS IT POURS IN
SLEEP TIGHT
FOR
I STAND ON GUARD FOR THEE.

Shaving

What is it that's bothering me
making me so sick
I am not well
and I get much worse so quick
It wrinkles me
it wrecks me
until what I see
is no longer me
The man in mirror
looking back at me
is no longer me
It scares me sometimes
if the man in the mirror
is not me
Who can can he be
What is it that's bothering me
making me so sick
I am not well
and I get much worse so quick
Dr Jekyll, Mr Hyde
Inside me, deep inside
Out of fear in the house I hide
afraid of people
afraid of outside
There's blood on my hands
I don't know why
I can't remember what day it is
What the hell have I gotten into
there's no place to hide
if I open the door
they'll all come crashing in
through an open window they'd all get out
I can't win for losing
I just want to shout
What's this feeling inside
What is it that's bothering me
making me so sick
I am not well
and I get much worse so quick
A little less here inside
A little less for me to hide
It wrinkles me
it wrecks me
What is it that's bothering me
making me so sick.

Silence

Silence is golden
Yes it's true
But words,
the right words
Can be the same too
Silence can just as easily
make you blue
Especially if it follows
I love you
To say words,
the right words
Can be hard to do
But after the silence
Those words
will come to you
At times it's best
to bite your tongue
When words fly out
like bullets from a gun
Can the pain be undone
The simplest of words
can hurt so much
Somethings are simply
too hot to touch
Silence is golden
Yes it's true...

I love you

Ownership

Sometimes I find it hard to breathe
I get scared and the world closes in
The room is too small,
there's not enough air
I panic and try hard to maintain focus
To maintain control
But my mind wanders as I cross examine myself
First my ankles
Then my knees
Hips, arms, wrists and shoulders
Neck and back
Then each muscle, joint and tendon
And when I'm all done
There's the inside of me
The insides of a baby
So I've been told
Then how come the rest of me feels
so damn old
So let's travel further inside
To where our secrets reside
Inside our mind, inside our brain
We come face to face
with our fears, troubles and pain
For me it's the night time
Or when I'm alone
We all need a break or time to relax
No down time, no pleasure and no fun for me
When it hurts to lie down,
every joint cracks as you move
It hurts me to pee
But arthritis has befriended me
Of that I am certain
And brought along a friend for me
The last thing I needed
After hepC
Let me introduce to you
the one and only
High anxiety
Oh what would my life be
without high anxiety
Sometimes I find it hard to breathe
I get scared and the world closes in on me
Caught in a web of fear
The more I struggle
The less chance of breaking free
The more I think
The later it gets
It gets too late
I begin to hyperventilate
I cough to clear my throat
To catch my breath
But that cough leads to another
Gagging, coughing, gagging, retching
and puking is next
I no longer have control
My ribs, my back
My head and stomach pay the toll
Twelve hours in the shower
Gravol every hour
Not sure what else to do
As I beg for relief from God
and you

Self Confidence

I am weary
The weariest of weary
Your kiss is warm
and sweet
My tears go dry
I can be happy
If I try
I throw my inhibitions
at you
I can be sad
Sometimes without
a reason and I don't know why
I am glad I have you
at least
I am weary
I feel weak
I am the weariest of weary
The weakest of weak
There is so much about me
that's good
I just can't tell you what they are
Even if I could
I don't know how take a compliment
Never could
I believe in doing good
In fact the best
At everything that I do
Forgetting about all the rest
I can be so many things
Some I've been for far too long
And there's the things that I have been
I wish would have stayed
longer than the song
I am weary
I feel lost
Living, loving
At such a cost
It takes it's toll
God I'm weary
I feel so old
My body aches
and my feet are cold
I sit and think sometimes
until I cry
I sit and think sometimes
and I don't know why
Your kiss is warm
and sweet
and once again
my tears go dry

Wisdom

I thought I was so wise
In the ways of the world
and mankind
I watched it all unfold
From the confines of my
cynical room
I watched all the sadness
the darkness and gloom
Then pulling the blinds low
When I've had enough
It's time to go
Counting inside
The days gone by
Wishing I could go back
and make a change
To the things that I've done
To the things that I've said
I wish it time and again
That I could get off
this runaway train
It moves too fast
When life takes hold
No matter how young
No matter how old
All those days gone by
Wishing I could go back
and make a change
Or is it too late
Could it be
The end for me
Could it be
The end of history
For me
I thought I was so wise
In the ways of the world
and mankind
I watched it all unfold
From the confines of my
cynical room
What is the reason
Or the excuse
I've tried to explain
But it's no use
I thought I was so wise
In the ways of the world
and mankind
But you saw through me
You saw right through me
You know me better
Than I know me
The answer is in plain view
It's easy to see
But me
I'm wise in the ways of the world
and mankind
I've seen it all before
And left it all behind
It's not my problem
It's a little bit less
and a little bit more
But either way
I've seen it all before

Not good enough

I KNOW I KNOW SHE SAID
WITH A WAVE OF HER HAND
MY LIFE’S A MESS TOO SHE ADDED
BELIEVE ME I UNDERSTAND
ALTHOUGH THESE WORDS STILL ECHO IN MY MIND
WHAT WAS I TO SAY OR DO
I’VE BEEN TO THE DOCTOR TOO SHE SAID
HE SAYS I’M AS BAD OFF AS YOU
I'M NOT LOOKING FOR YOUR SYMPATHY THANKS
I CAN FLY LOW ENOUGH ON MY OWN
AND I’M FULLY STOCKED ON PAIN AND SELF PITY
EXPRESSED BY MY MELLOW DRAMA DRONE
INDIFFERENCE,MISUNDERSTANDING AND CONFUSION
ARE ALL PART OF LIFE’S TEST
BUT THE ENDURANCE OF SAME SURE IS TOUGH
WHEN THOSE WHO LOVE YOU
SEE YOU LIKE ALL THE REST
ON MY FACE THAT ONCE SMILED AT EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE
LUNAR DIMPLES AND ALL
I SEE ETCHED THE FROWNS OF PAIN
LIFE OFFERS LITTLE HUMOUR NOW FOR ME
HERE IN THE MIDST OF THIS FALL
HOW LOW CAN YOU GO
I’M NOT REALLY SURE
I’M NOT SURE I CARE
I CAN’T SEE THE BOTTOM
FROM OR FROM THERE
SO I MUST BE SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN
BUT I’M WASTING MY BREATH CAUSE
YOU ALREADY KNOW
HOW I FEEL
AND EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN
I'M SORRY IF I WEIGH YOU DOWN
WITH THE OCCASIONAL LIMP
AND MY PERMA-FROST FROWN
BUT ALL I REALLY WANTED
WAS TO EXPLAIN MY SITUATION TO YOU
I THOUGHT THAT I COULD CLARIFY
MY ABSENCE AND WHATEVER IT IS
YOU THINK I DO
BUT LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE
IT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH
IT JUST WON’T DO.
SO WITH A TEAR IN MY HEART
I WATCH AS YOU LEAVE
WEARING THE DRESS I REMEMBER
AS A CHILD
THE ONE I ALWAYS WANTED TO CLING TO
I LOVE YOU.

The new me

I used to be thin
Thin skinned
Thin stature
Shallow minded
Quick to lash out
Quicker to blame
It was easy to be unkind
To be in control
At least that’s what I thought
Yet eaten by guilt
Lost and distraught
Varsol to paint
Tears to love
Alienation
Subjectiveness
Persecution
Demanding and
Notwithstanding
The control
I thought I had
Time connects
Wounds
As it slowly passes
Soon numbness
Followed by dumbness
Becomes me
And then you
Somehow I feel
Quiet now
I feel like glue
Thick and slow
Bonding to you
The feeling I hope
Has transcended



The thin within me
Is now thick because of you
To live a day without you
Is something I have yet to do
And until that day arrives
Let this glueleg
Stay and stick in love with you
Somehow you have managed
To change me
My heart and my soul
Your presence it calms me
When I need it most
A million dollar prize
The finest slice
A million miles walked
A language outspoken
And so much more
The rubber is connecting
Its tight band retracts
It draws near to me
A twinkle; a spark
My fluttering heart
Pounds deep inside me
It rumbles
It rolls and
It rubs me the right way
I am complete
Yet empty
Completely empty
I suppose.

The truth remains

Bathe in truth
FEEL THE PAIN
HERE IT COMES AGAIN
THE PAST WASHES OFF
BUT THE TRUTH REMAINS

There it goes, leaving now
EXIT RESTRAINT
HONESTY IS COLD
LIES DIE BUT THE TRUTH REMAINS
FOLLOW YOUR OWN WAY BACK
IN YOUR SEARCH FOR ANSWERS
QUESTION’S INSIDE YOU AGAIN

Bathed in truth
HERE IT COMES AGAIN
FEELING THE PAIN
HERE IT COMES AGAIN
HERE IT COMES AGAIN
HONESTY’S COLD
THE PAST WASHES OFF
BUT THE TRUTH REMAINS

IT’S BACK ONCE AGAIN
EXIT RESTRAINT
HONESTY IS COLD
LIES DIE BUT THE TRUTH REMAINS
FOLLOW YOUR OWN WAY BACK
IN YOUR SEARCH FOR ANSWERS
QUESTION’S INSIDE YOU AGAIN

Bathed in truth
FEELING THE PAIN
HERE IT COMES AGAIN
THE PAST WASHES OFF


BUT THE TRUTH REMAINS
BUT THE TRUTH REMAINS
THE PAST WASHES OFF
BUT THE TRUTH REMAINS
BUT THE TRUTH REMAINS.

My best parts

People often ask,
how do you do
to them I say,
parts of me are fine,
but parts of me
I’m really not sure of,
how about you?
Of course the parts of me
I like the best
are the parts of me
that have passed the test
The test of course
is the test of time
And the parts of me
that I like best
that have passed the test
are the parts I’ve managed
to refine
Other parts of me
I really love to share
And then there's those
parts of me
for which I really don’t care
But the parts that drag me down the most
Are the parts that make the doctors boast
A limp, a swagger and pain deep inside
Are the parts of me that eat up my pride
There’s no cure for cancer,
arthritis or pain
So the parts that make me happy are
the parts that make me...
Happy in love and in life...
The best parts of me
are my kids and my wife!

Simplicity

Simple as a pimple on a dogs cock
You can tell a dog-fucker by the way that he walk
Jump in line
Everything’s fine
It’s all good
Except we’re all out of time
Hickory dickory dock
With every tick of the clock
Times keeps slipping, slipping, slipping away
Until there’s none left
Until tomorrow’s today
Rhyme without reason
Fishing out season
Ever wonder why
Things take so much longer when you watch them
Water to boiling
Paint to dry
Down by the lake
On the lakeshore
She sells cockle shells
And so much more
Down by the lake
On the lakeshore
She sells cockles shells



And much, much more
Of that you can be sure
Walk like a blind man
Talk you deaf mute
Ever wonder how others see you
Do they see what you do when you see you
Or do they see what they want when they see you
And look right through you
Locked inside the garden gate
There is no reason for the gate
Locked inside the garden gate
What’s the reason for the gate
First I saw a mountain
That’s what I saw
That’s what I saw
Then it was a molehill
That was all
That was all
Locked inside the garden gate
Locked inside the garden gate
Far too long
Far too long
Seeing things differently
From here I see
From here I see
This how the world is to me
How it appears to me
From the inside looking out
Everything is greener
Everything I see
Everything’s much greener
That I can see
From where I stand
I see the world differently
From where I stand
Seeing things differently
Is the only way to see
For me
It’s all I know
It’s all I have
And that’s how the world appears to me
To be
Spend a day in my shoes
Help me wear them in


Then fill it to the brim Jim
Gimme some more
No shirt, no shoes, no service
Toss em out the door
Locked inside my room
Locked inside my room
What’s the reason for the door
What’s the reason I am here
Were I not
Where would I be
I would not be
Locked inside my room
Inside my room
What a mess
Sitting locked with a mess
Inside my room
Inside my room
But worst of all
I can’t find a broom
A good sweep is all
That I need
Inside my room
Inside my room
Layer upon layer
Emotional dust piled high
Caked on
Baked on
After years of tears
Free to leave whenever
I want
Whenever I find the door
Inside my room
Or is it the garden gate
The hedges have grown so tall
I can’t see the garden or the gate
I can’t much
But I’m still seeing things differently
Just like before
Sure the grass might be greener now
I still can’t find the gate or the door.