The tears I cry

you were here before
but you were so young
only 3 years old
I will never forget the look on your little face
the tears in your eyes when I stood and cried
I wished for rain
in the middle of a heat wave
so I wouldn't have to explain
the tears I cry
and sure as rain you asked
and I told you to look
there's Mommy in that big shiny car
as the procession drove by
but now I realize the tears I cry
were tears of pride and tears of love
and I am not embarrassed to cry
when you were not afraid to die
oh how I miss you and love you
oh how I wish you were here
but perhaps you were chosen for a reason
there are reasons and choices for us all
when this reaches you I hope you can hear me
it seems our son has answered the call
and he leaves on Monday so I guess it's true
he is really going after all
he's so big, strong and cunning like you
his voice fills the house and when he's gone
I don't know what I'll do
so please baby when you get this
look over him please
bring him back home
my world would truly end
if I were to loose him too
I love you so much
I know your Mother would have been
very proud of  you
we'll be a world apart
you take care and stay alert
you're not going alone
and just one more thing
please come home

Thoughts of war

I remember
potato peel soup
tin can porridge
each morning you forage
you do what it takes
you eat what it makes
to survive
bones and marrow
salt is gold
water wine
life inside
is fine
life in a bunker
for a time
sunshine
when you can
when you can go out
life outside
is fearful
life outside the bunker
is loud
smells of decay
and sadness
nothing is the same
no one remains
scurrying like rats
among the rats
gathering with fear
whatever it takes
to survive
taking, wearing
dead men's clothes
and shoes
air raid drills
the daily news
how many more dead
the thick damp
musty air
in the bunker
a baby's first breath
of air
in there
iodine and cigarettes
cleanse and cauterize
shoe polish in the still
methanol on my breath
infection is death.

I was afraid
to venture past
the sand bags and
abandoned machine gun nests
I managed to once
I was frozen in my steps
there were ten
no twenty
there had to be a hundred
dead bodies
in various forms
decomposition
filled the air
grabbed my guts
I couldn't tell which side
any of them were from
as my guts burned
I puked until bile bleed
out from my eyes
at the horrible sight before me
that had me totally
unable to do anything but
puke and cry
puke and cry
feverish, blisters,
festering wounds
the stench
from the trench
where the dead lay
dear God
help me erase that day
make it through today.

One other day found me
searching for water
a canteen
I had seen
my luck
would find me
in place I'd never been
ankle deep in mud
and blood
rats were everywhere
there was so much blood
you could smell it's
sweet metallic odour
rats scurrying
gnawing, eating the dead
eating the dead!
I spotted three of them
huddled together
two were faceless
mortar shell I assumed
the third a young boy
no more than 19
I took his canteen
and then removed another
from the first faceless ones
severed arm
retrieving the third one
out of the red mud
I thanked them as I left
I had water
at least till tomorrow.

The slow winding sound
of the air raid siren
breaking through the air
again and then
whistling of bombs
and more bombs
falling from above
we all begin
the routine run
back into the bunkers
the ground shaking
earthquaking all around
machine gun fire
pecking through the air
like woodpeckers
the shouts of soldiers
attacking, running
lying, dying
people screaming
racing, pushing
and shoving
fear has children
pushed and left
as equal
they're shopping
for their life
and nothing, no one
can stop them
as they trample each other
stampede like wild animals
to be safe, perhaps.
When the door closes
the sound of bombs
and more bombs cover
the sounds of terror
sounds of abandonment
the sounds of death
Each time the door closes
is not without cost
new friends made
and old friends lost.

The streets are quiet
the dying are dead
children playing run over
under, around the rubble
without a care
the only know one thing
they only know to play
they only know war
the dead are part
of their environment
their neighbourhood
a graveyard
where friends and neighbours
lay and play

where a stone is the world

one child is all children
what will they bring
or take from this place
anger, hatred and guns
living in the danger zone

this war is all wars
introspective remembrance
numbs the mind
silences the tongue
blinds the eyes
witnessed the execution of
a priest and seven nuns
how can this be war
this makes no sense
killing innocents
the scars are deep
and for years
they will keep
the secret inside
deeply darkened
sad faces...

take my hand and we

will find a new home

a fresh start....

war pictures thanks to Illustrated History : Relive the times
http://incredibleimages4u.blogspot.com/

Babylon Woes

I’ve got the banker on the phone
He wants money for the loan
The mortgage is due
The car needs service too
What the hell are we going to do?
I won’t give up, that’s not my style
I just wish they’d all ease up for a while
Give us some room, some air to breathe
I’ll make good on it all, the intent is there
I’m not one to cheat or deceive
I wish that all our problems
were much smaller than they are
The house paid off, perhaps a new car
If I could
You know that I would
change my life
In whatever way
To suit our every need
With a little more we’d be in the black
Almost at lightning speed
Is it bad luck we’re having now
or perhaps bad timing
put us in this kowtow
The taxes, the visa
Bills for this
Pay for that
Life just costs too much
We’re constantly paying a toll
I wonder how our parents ever made it
I feel so out of control
The harder I work
the less I get paid
At the end of the week I search
for the money I made
I want the best for the family
Cars, food and clothes
But to get from here to there
is what puzzles me
living in Babylon woes.

The Sumer civilization developed a large scale economy based on commodity money. The Babylonians and their neighboring city states later developed the earliest system of economics as we think of it today, in terms of rules on debt, legal contracts and law codes relating to business practices and private property. These law codes dated 1760 BC formalized the role of money in civil society. They set amounts of interest on debt... fines for 'wrong doing'... and compensation in money for various infractions of formalized law.
In 604 B.C.E, the Babylonian ruler...Nebuchadnezzar...decreed that gold would be the medium of exchange in his empire. The Babylonian temples contained strong rooms where people brought their gold and other precious items for safekeeping by the temple priests. The customers were given small clay tablets as receipts for their valuables.
The priest-bankers demanded that the people pay twenty percent interest for guarding their valuables--not a bad racket. Some Swiss banks today charge interest for securing deposits. But most modern banks pay depositors interest on the money they keep in their accounts.
The Babylonian priests, never letting the grass grow under their feet, discovered that most of the people depositing valuables for safekeeping seldom came to reclaim their gold and other precious items. Instead, the people began using the clay receipt tablets as a means of exchange--money.
Now, thought the priests, the people believe that the clay tablets are backed by gold and other valuables, yet the deposits are seldom if ever claimed. We can issue ten times as many clay tablets as are backed by gold and grow rich. The priest-bankers issued clay tablets unredeemable by gold, loaned out the clay tablets at interest and were soon living the life of luxury.
The crafty Babylonian priests had invented all the features of modern full-service banking:
-Custody of money: gold and other precious objects in safekeeping in the temple vaults
-The issuing of currency (something in circulation as a means of exchange): clay tablets
-The charging of interest: money charged by banks for securing a depositor's money or money charged for a loan
-The loaning of money: loaning of clay tablets at interest
-The issue of fiat money: money not convertible into a commodity (such as gold or silver) of equivalent value--un-secured clay tablets
But let's not forget old Nebuchadnezzar, he invented two important stratagems which have lasted through the centuries: The technology of war & State fiscal policy

Lost my way

Tomorrow has come
Here it is today
And once again
I’ve lost my way
It’s cold
It’s Monday
Tomorrow has come
Here it is today
And today
Once again
I’ve lost my way.

Can I come too?

Where does my heart belong
Why does my heart beat now
Now that you’re gone
Where will my eyes look now
Why do they see at all
Now that I can’t see you
What good are my arms
What will they do for me
Now that I can’t hold you
My feet are so sore
But what good are my feet
If I can’t come to you
I can’t get you off my mind
But what good is my mind
If I’m losing it over you
I’m falling apart since losing you
And I don’t know what to do
Because
My heart still beats
And belongs
Only to you
My eyes still see
But they only see you
My arms are open wide
But only for you
My feet are happy now too
Standing here next to you
And you are always on my mind
No matter what you do
So if you're thinking of leaving
If you’re leaving
Can I come too?

In the dark of night
When the world is dark and cold
I hold you tight
Till night turns into day
And as I hold you tight
In the dark of night
I think of all the things I've done and said
I begin to shiver
I begin to cry
Inside my heart wants to die
I wish with all I have
That there could be a way
That I could take it all back
Make it go away
I want all your pain
I want it all
It belongs to me
I think of where I'd be
If it weren't for your love
I think of who'd be me
And who I'd be
But then you squeeze me tight
You hold me tight
Through the night

My love for you is strong enough my love
Strong enough to carry us through
My love for you is strong enough my love
It's strong enough
Strong enough for me and you
And this life of mine is never boring
In the arms of you
Yes this life of mine is never boring
In the arms of you my love

In the dark of night
When the world is dark and cold
I hold you tight
Till night turns into day
And as I hold you tight
In the dark of night
I think of all the things I've done and said
I begin to shiver
I begin to cry
Inside my heart wants to die
I wish with all I have
That there could be a way
That I could take it all back
Make it go away
I want all your pain
I want it all
It belongs to me
I think of where I'd be
If it weren't for your love
I think of who'd be me
And who I'd be
But then you squeeze me tight
You hold me tight
Through the night
Until everything`s alright
alright
I think of where I'd be
If it weren't for your love
I think of who'd be me
And who I'd be
But then you squeeze me tight
You hold me tight
Through the night
Until everything`s alright
alright
and everything`s alright
alright

Cleanse

As many as I can man
As many as I can
I told the drunk
I bumped into
At the local bar
Where you from he asked
After what I'd just told him
I simply told him
I come from afar
Well all I can tell you
is this he said
We don't do that sort of thing
round here
I started to smile and said
Well I've only just arrived
give a guy a break I laughed
As a nervous tremor
ever so slight crossed his lips
He reached into his jacket
for what I thought was a gun
I drew first and shot faster
and now the stranger
lay dead in the alley
The stranger lay dead on the ground
another stranger lay dead on the ground
Don't try to understand me
or the reason why
So many have tried
So many have died
The story I tell them
I warn them about
I tell them
I will share the story
And what it's about
But if they want to hear it
They're in it
And there's no way out
The smart ones think they're smart
and ask me what it's all about
I don't gives clues, hints or such
You're either in or out
The self proclaimed smartest ones of all
They ask me nothing, they know it all
But their ignorance
makes them the easiest target of all
And at the end of every story
when I'm just about done
They ask me my intentions
And what it is that brought me here
Why have I come
I'd love to tell you I say
with a great big smile
but that would spoil all the fun
In natural progression
They ask if what I say is true
and if I have done this before
Do I plan to do it again
I reply
As many as I can man
As many as I can
I told the man I met at the corner store
That's messed up he told me
and by the sounds of it so are you
I told him a few things I'd done
to his mother
So he'd co-operate
By the time his first punch landed
for him it was too late
I grabbed his other arm
spin him around into a head lock
My blade met both his ears and now
grinning a bloody grin
the stranger lay dead in aisle six
The stranger lay dead on the floor
Cleanup in aisle six
another stranger lay dead on the floor
There's not much to me
or to understand
I don't give or ask the time
or for directions
pay close attention to your reflection
Don't but into line
Respect other peoples space
Avoid confrontation
Don't look me in the face
Never make eye contact
Always know your place
Never stand too close to the edge
Don't give reason
Don't give rhyme
Don't get caught
Or you too
will run out of time.

Drowning

Drowning and
I'm nowhere near water
Drowning and
I can't get out
I can't swim and
you can't help me and
you can't come in
Drowning again
always in a new place
In a new home
Wearing my own face and
Every time I think I got things
figured out
Placed my Levy's carefully
Every time I think it'll be
alright
I wake up drowning
Drowning nowhere near water
I wake up and
you're nowhere near and
I'm all alone and
drowning in a tear
There's no one near
To comfort or hold me
I'm alone in my dreams
as with eyes wide open
Listening I hear
all the words spoken
There are too many voices
too many voices and
too many people
Am I dreaming
or is this real
I'm drowning and
I'm nowhere near water
Drowning and
I can't get out
I can't swim and
you can't help me and
you can't come in and
I try to pull you in
Pull you in alongside me
Drowning alongside me
I look closer at you and
you are gone
You never did drown well
I could tell
Drowning and
I'm nowhere near water
Drowning and
I can't get out
Try as I might
Try hard as I can
Still I'm drowning and
I'm nowhere near water
Drowning and
I can't get out
Too much emotion
Too much pain
Too much loving
Wake up in a bed of water
Made up my own tears
Filled full of my own guilt and fears
Now I'm drowning in my sorrows
I can't stop the tears
And Lord you know I can't swim
I just want out of here
I can't take it anymore
I don't want it anymore
Dear God please help me
Stop me drowning and
let me stand up once more

Depressions resolve

How stupid can I be
How deep can I go
Trying hard to break free
Of this feeling so low
I feel so fucked up
at times I’m sure that you know
but I’ll never give in
whether it comes fast or slow.

I’ve never recognized depression before
But I know it well now
lying her on the floor.
My body’s shaking
and every bone’s aching.
But there’s no Goddamned way
I’m ever giving in
No way! Not today!