The same man

To tell you the truth
I never thought I'd end up like this
So far from everything
So long from everywhere
As a child I always prayed
Opened my heart to heaven above
I gave what I could
I gave all my love
But something is wrong here
So far from everything
So long from everywhere
To tell you the truth
I never thought I'd end up like this
It's a long road home
It's so long when you're all alone
So far from everything you know
So long from everywhere you go
Far away, far too far away
And it's getting further every day
To tell you the truth
I never thought I'd end up this way
It's such a long road home
It's so long when you're all alone
It's long way home
When you've gone so far
You can't turn back
Stay straight and narrow
Cling to today for tomorrow
For tomorrow will be your today
To tell you the truth
I never thought I'd end up this way
Lying in bed
Those thoughts in my head
Thoughts of life
Thoughts of the future
It's been so long
And soon you'll be dead
Those thoughts thought
Were not like this
Those thoughts thought
Would never be like this
So why is it like this
We never thought like this
We didn't want this
To tell you the truth
I never thought we'd end like this

Waking up
Lying on the floor
In warm pool of blood
I didn't do it
I wasn't even there
How can this be
Let me go I have to go now
I have to see
As I look down
On the floor now
I see me
Waking up
Lying on the floor
In a warm pool of blood
Lying beside me
I see them
Each and every last one
I reach to touch
But they run from me now
I want to but can't help
I don't even know who I am
I reach out to help them
But now they are gone

Waking up
Lying on the floor
In warm pool of blood
I didn't do it
I wasn't even there
How can this be
Let me go, I have go now
I have to see
And as I look down
On the floor now
I see me
Waking up
Lying on the floor
In a warm pool of blood

Turn your head up
Turn your head up to the sky
Reach out to the Heavens
Reach way up high
It's funny how you can
It's funny to be this man
The same man
Though you may not know
Till your dying day
It's the same man
The same song
You know the words
How it goes
You've done it all
You've sung this song
Once before
It's history repeating itself
Like it has
In the past
It's history
Yes it's history repeating itself

To tell you the truth
I never thought I'd end up like this
So far from everything
So long from everywhere
As a child I always prayed
Opened my heart to heaven above
So help me now
Sing a song so we may be reborn
The same song we sung before
Same song as we sung before
Before the time
Before the day
Sing the song
Sing this all away...
Sing a song so we may be reborn

Turn your head up
Turn your head up to the sky
Reach out to the Heavens
Reach way up high
It's funny how you can
It's funny to be this man
The same man
Though you may not know
Till your dying day
It's the same man
The same song
You know the words
How it goes
You've done it all
You've sung this song
Once before
It's history repeating itself
Like it has
In the past
It's history
Yes it's history repeating itself
Sing that song
I'll sing along
Sing a song to be reborn...

using confusion you can find peace and quiet

Post Mortem

The darkness of night slowly creeps in
Light flickers, then fades into a blackened sky
The minds eye plays tricks with everything you see
Imagination triggers thoughts of the fears within

Try to relax, be your best self
But all you do is worry; the gun’s in the drawer
Each person you see reminds you again
You’ve got to be certain, one hundred percent certain
You were beaten and robbed, left for dead
No one was there; you were by yourself
Critically wounded; clawing to get help
Echoes of voices, then sirens and nothing

The gavel gives justice like a loaded gun to your head,
The accused goes free; his case was self-defense
Victims are all guilty by their own choice the argument
Scenes of that night, you never forget but relive every day

A promise, a threat, uttered through a chuckle
You must take this seriously; you must take arms
If ever again, then never again, this will come to end
As you wait, time passes slowly living in fear,

Until the day you are certain, one hundred percent certain!

Torn

Why do you forsake me
In my mind you rape me
I try hard to bend
Don’t try to break me

Tear me open
Take me I’m yours
Tear me open
Tear me open
Tear me open

Father of mine
I hear you
As I lay me down
As I lay me down
I fear you

Why do you forsake me
In my mind you rape me
I’ll harder to bend
Please don’t break me

Tear me open
Take me I’m yours
Tear me open
Tear me open
Tear me open
I’m torn

Father of mine
I despise you
Deep inside me
I am you
I cannot hide
Deep inside me
From you

Why do you forsake me
Bless me now don’t rape me
I’m trying hard now not to bend
But I’m learning
How to pretend
Not to fear you
Sitting on the fence
Near you

Tear me open
Take me
Take me I’m yours
Tear me
Tear me
Tear me open
Open
Torn

Not okay

While you're sleeping
Sleeping and dreaming
I am awake
Awake and scheming
It's wasted away
It's not here to stay
What can I say
Nothing`s alright
Not okay
I gave it a shot
It helped a lot
But while you`re sleeping
Fast asleep and dreaming
I am awake
Awake and scheming
Wish I were dreaming
What can I say
Nothing`s alright
Not okay

Cleanse

As many as I can man
As many as I can
I told the drunk
I bumped into
At the local bar
Where you from he asked
After what I'd just told him
I simply told him
I come from afar
Well all I can tell you
is this he said
We don't do that sort of thing
round here
I started to smile and said
Well I've only just arrived
give a guy a break I laughed
As a nervous tremor
ever so slight crossed his lips
He reached into his jacket
for what I thought was a gun
I drew first and shot faster
and now the stranger
lay dead in the alley
The stranger lay dead on the ground
another stranger lay dead on the ground
Don't try to understand me
or the reason why
So many have tried
So many have died
The story I tell them
I warn them about
I tell them
I will share the story
And what it's about
But if they want to hear it
They're in it
And there's no way out
The smart ones think they're smart
and ask me what it's all about
I don't gives clues, hints or such
You're either in or out
The self proclaimed smartest ones of all
They ask me nothing, they know it all
But their ignorance
makes them the easiest target of all
And at the end of every story
when I'm just about done
They ask me my intentions
And what it is that brought me here
Why have I come
I'd love to tell you I say
with a great big smile
but that would spoil all the fun
In natural progression
They ask if what I say is true
and if I have done this before
Do I plan to do it again
I reply
As many as I can man
As many as I can
I told the man I met at the corner store
That's messed up he told me
and by the sounds of it so are you
I told him a few things I'd done
to his mother
So he'd co-operate
By the time his first punch landed
for him it was too late
I grabbed his other arm
spin him around into a head lock
My blade met both his ears and now
grinning a bloody grin
the stranger lay dead in aisle six
The stranger lay dead on the floor
Cleanup in aisle six
another stranger lay dead on the floor
There's not much to me
or to understand
I don't give or ask the time
or for directions
pay close attention to your reflection
Don't but into line
Respect other peoples space
Avoid confrontation
Don't look me in the face
Never make eye contact
Always know your place
Never stand too close to the edge
Don't give reason
Don't give rhyme
Don't get caught
Or you too
will run out of time.

Depressions resolve

How stupid can I be
How deep can I go
Trying hard to break free
Of this feeling so low
I feel so fucked up
at times I’m sure that you know
but I’ll never give in
whether it comes fast or slow.

I’ve never recognized depression before
But I know it well now
lying her on the floor.
My body’s shaking
and every bone’s aching.
But there’s no Goddamned way
I’m ever giving in
No way! Not today!

Post Mortem

The darkness of night slowly creeps in
Light flickers,
then fades into a blackened sky
The minds eye plays tricks with everything you see
Imagination triggers thoughts of the fears within
Try to relax, be your best self
But all you do is worry,
the gun’s in the drawer
the Bible's on the shelf
Each person you see reminds you again that
You’ve got to be certain,
one hundred percent certain
You were beaten, robbed, left for dead
No one was there,
you were by yourself
the gun’s in the drawer
the Bible's on the shelf
Critically wounded,
clawing to get help
Echoes of voices,
then sirens and nothing...

The gavel gives justice
like a loaded gun to your head,
The accused goes free,
his case was self-defense
Victims are all guilty
by their own choice the argument
Scenes of that night,
you never forget
you relive them every day
A promise, a threat,
uttered through a chuckle
You must take this seriously,
you must take arms
If ever again, then never again,
this will come to end
As you wait,
time passes slowly living in fear
Until the day you are certain,
one hundred percent certain...
the gun’s in the drawer
the Bible's on the shelf
the gun’s in the drawer
the Bible's on the shelf
time passes slowly living in fear
Until the day you are certain,
one hundred percent certain!

Tired

Tired of conformity
Tired of everyone telling me
I'm fuckin tired of everything
Can’t you see

Don’t do this
You can’t do that
I don’t believe this is where its at
Mom, Dad, teachers and coaches
Bleeding, breeding, feeding cockroaches

I don’t know why I feel like I do
But I know at times
It’s all because of you
And you and you and you

I’m your parents worst nightmare
Living, breathing in real life
Nobody tells me what to do
I'll show them by what I do to you

Don’t do this
You can’t do that
I don’t believe this is where its at
Mom, Dad, teachers and coaches
Bleeding, breeding, feeding cockroaches

I don’t know why I feel the way I do
But I know at times
It’s all because of you
And you and you and you

Tired of everyone telling me
I'm fuckin tired of everything
Can’t you see
I'm even fuckin tired of me!

Not good enough

I KNOW I KNOW SHE SAID
WITH A WAVE OF HER HAND
MY LIFE’S A MESS TOO SHE ADDED
BELIEVE ME I UNDERSTAND
ALTHOUGH THESE WORDS STILL ECHO IN MY MIND
WHAT WAS I TO SAY OR DO
I’VE BEEN TO THE DOCTOR TOO SHE SAID
HE SAYS I’M AS BAD OFF AS YOU


I’m not looking for your sympathy thanks
I CAN FLY LOW ENOUGH ON MY OWN
AND I’M FULLY STOCKED ON PAIN AND SELF PITY
EXPRESSED BY MY MELLOW DRAMA DRONE

Indifference, misunderstanding and confusion
ARE ALL PART OF LIFE’S TEST
BUT THE ENDURANCE OF SAME SURE IS TOUGH
WHEN THOSE WHO LOVE YOU
SEE YOU LIKE ALL THE REST

On my face that once smiled at everything and everyone
LUNAR DIMPLES AND ALL
I SEE ETCHED THE FROWNS OF PAIN
Life offers little humour now for me
HERE IN THE MIDST OF THIS FALL

How low can you go
I’M NOT REALLY SURE
I’M NOT SURE I CARE
I CAN’T SEE THE BOTTOM


FROM OR FROM THERE
SO I MUST BE SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN
BUT I’M WASTING MY BREATH CAUSE
YOU ALREADY KNOW
HOW I FEEL
AND EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN

I’m sorry if I weigh you down
WITH THE OCCASIONAL LIMP
AND MY PERMA-FROST FROWN
BUT ALL I REALLY WANTED
WAS TO EXPLAIN MY SITUATION TO YOU
I THOUGHT THAT I COULD CLARIFY
MY ABSENCE AND WHATEVER IT IS
YOU THINK I DO

But like everything else in my life
IT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH
IT JUST WON’T DO




SO WITH A TEAR IN MY HEART
I WATCH AS YOU LEAVE
WEARING THE DRESS I REMEMBER
AS A CHILD
THE ONE I ALWAYS WANTED TO CLING TO
I LOVE YOU.

Waking up

Woke up
WITH A PAIN INSIDE MY HEAD
SAT UP
AT THE EDGE OF THE BED
THOUGHT ABOUT
SLEEPING SOME MORE
BUT MY BACK ACHES TOO
AND MY LEGS
I CAN’T FALL ASLEEP ANY MORE
I CAN’T SLEEP WITH THE PAIN
I CAN’T REST WITH THE PAIN
I CAN’T SMILE WITH THE PAIN
FEELS LIKE I’LL NEVER SMILE AGAIN
I COULD TAKE SOME PILLS
TO HELP WITH THE PAIN
BUT I TAKE TOO MANY PILLS
THEY FUCK UP MY BRAIN
TOO MANY PILLS
TOO MUCH PAIN
DO I GET UP AND MEDICATE
THEN SHOWER TO HELP ALLEVIATE
THE PAIN
PAIN RUNS MY LIFE
PAIN STARTS THE SHOW
PAIN RULES MY WORLD
EVERYWHERE I GO
PAIN WHEN I’M HAPPY
PAIN WHEN I’M SAD
PAIN BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER
THE BEST SEX I EVER HAD
PAIN WHEN I’M PLAYING
PAIN WHEN I’M NOT

ONCE ON MY BIRTHDAY
PAIN WAS ALL I GOT
IT’S HARD TO EXPLAIN PAIN
BUT IT’S EASY TO SEE
I’M LAUGHING ON THE OUTSIDE
AT THE PAIN INSIDE ME
LATE AT NIGHT
OR AT THE BREAK OF DAWN
WHEN I’M AT WORK
OR PARTYING
BRING THE PAIN ON
IT DOSEN’T MATTER MUCH TO ME
HOW I FEEL INSIDE
WHAT BOTHERS ME MOST I THINK
IS THE PAIN IS HARD TO HIDE
WHAT’S THE MATTER
ARE YOU OKAY
AND I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
ARE THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAY
ITS NOT THAT I MIND ANSWERING
OR TELLING WHAT IS WRONG
IT’S JUST DAY AFTER DAY
IT’S A BROKEN RECORD
PLAYING THE SAME OLD SONG
WOKE UP
WITH A PAIN INSIDE MY HEAD

Depressions resolve

How stupid can I be
How deep can I go
Trying hard to break free
Of this feeling so low
I feel so fucked up
at times I’m sure that you know
but I’ll never give in
whether it comes fast or slow.

I’ve never recognized depression before
But I know it well now
lying her on the floor.
My body’s shaking
and every bone’s aching.
But there’s no Goddamned way
I’m ever giving in
No way! Not today!