thought # 1923 of 2010

God my back hurts!
It hurts so much;
enough to make me cry.
Enough to make me want
to die!
God may back hurts!
The day begins okay...
Everything seems alright today.
I sit up on the edge of the bed;
that's when it hits me,
like a brick to the head!
All of my clear thoughts,
happy thoughts too,
all the things I said,
everything is dead.
Sitting on the edge of the bed...
God my back hurts!
Makes me wish I were dead.

shine

What I want
is the sun to shine
What I want
is to feel fine
Take the claws out of my back
Fingers out of my eyes
But every day I feel like that
it dies
I don't know why it's so dark
What I want
is the sun to shine
What I want
is some relief
A breath of fresh air
Loosen the straps
Uncuff me
I need to feel free
But every day I feel like that
it dies
What I want
is the sun to shine

Waking up

Woke up
WITH A PAIN INSIDE MY HEAD
SAT UP
AT THE EDGE OF THE BED
THOUGHT ABOUT
SLEEPING SOME MORE
BUT MY BACK ACHES TOO
AND MY LEGS
I CAN’T FALL ASLEEP ANY MORE
I CAN’T SLEEP WITH THE PAIN
I CAN’T REST WITH THE PAIN
I CAN’T SMILE WITH THE PAIN
FEELS LIKE I’LL NEVER SMILE AGAIN
I COULD TAKE SOME PILLS
TO HELP WITH THE PAIN
BUT I TAKE TOO MANY PILLS
THEY FUCK UP MY BRAIN
TOO MANY PILLS
TOO MUCH PAIN
DO I GET UP AND MEDICATE
THEN SHOWER TO HELP ALLEVIATE
THE PAIN
PAIN RUNS MY LIFE
PAIN STARTS THE SHOW
PAIN RULES MY WORLD
EVERYWHERE I GO
PAIN WHEN I’M HAPPY
PAIN WHEN I’M SAD
PAIN BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER
THE BEST SEX I EVER HAD
PAIN WHEN I’M PLAYING
PAIN WHEN I’M NOT
ONCE ON MY BIRTHDAY
PAIN WAS ALL I GOT
IT’S HARD TO EXPLAIN PAIN
BUT IT’S EASY TO SEE
I’M LAUGHING ON THE OUTSIDE
AT THE PAIN INSIDE ME
LATE AT NIGHT
OR AT THE BREAK OF DAWN
WHEN I’M AT WORK
OR PARTYING
BRING THE PAIN ON
IT DOESN’T MATTER MUCH TO ME
HOW I FEEL INSIDE
WHAT BOTHERS ME MOST I THINK
IS THE PAIN IS HARD TO HIDE
WHAT’S THE MATTER
ARE YOU OKAY
AND I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
ARE THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAY
ITS NOT THAT I MIND ANSWERING
OR TELLING WHAT IS WRONG
IT’S JUST DAY AFTER DAY
IT’S A BROKEN RECORD
PLAYING THE SAME OLD SONG
WOKE UP
WITH A PAIN INSIDE MY HEAD

Depressions resolve

How stupid can I be
How deep can I go
Trying hard to break free
Of this feeling so low
I feel so fucked up
at times I’m sure that you know
but I’ll never give in
whether it comes fast or slow.

I’ve never recognized depression before
But I know it well now
lying her on the floor.
My body’s shaking
and every bone’s aching.
But there’s no Goddamned way
I’m ever giving in
No way! Not today!

Depressions resolve

How stupid can I be
How deep can I go
Trying hard to break free
Of this feeling so low
I feel so fucked up
at times I’m sure that you know
but I’ll never give in
whether it comes fast or slow.

I’ve never recognized depression before
But I know it well now
lying her on the floor.
My body’s shaking
and every bone’s aching.
But there’s no Goddamned way
I’m ever giving in
No way! Not today!