Reality trap

The fast and energetic mind and heart
Of the Hare
Working overtime to try and keep up
Inside the battered and worn out shell
Of the Tortoise
That's how I feel
The pain outside
Keeps the inside real

Not good enough

I KNOW I KNOW SHE SAID
WITH A WAVE OF HER HAND
MY LIFE’S A MESS TOO SHE ADDED
BELIEVE ME I UNDERSTAND
ALTHOUGH THESE WORDS STILL ECHO IN MY MIND
WHAT WAS I TO SAY OR DO
I’VE BEEN TO THE DOCTOR TOO SHE SAID
HE SAYS I’M AS BAD OFF AS YOU


I’m not looking for your sympathy thanks
I CAN FLY LOW ENOUGH ON MY OWN
AND I’M FULLY STOCKED ON PAIN AND SELF PITY
EXPRESSED BY MY MELLOW DRAMA DRONE

Indifference, misunderstanding and confusion
ARE ALL PART OF LIFE’S TEST
BUT THE ENDURANCE OF SAME SURE IS TOUGH
WHEN THOSE WHO LOVE YOU
SEE YOU LIKE ALL THE REST

On my face that once smiled at everything and everyone
LUNAR DIMPLES AND ALL
I SEE ETCHED THE FROWNS OF PAIN
Life offers little humour now for me
HERE IN THE MIDST OF THIS FALL

How low can you go
I’M NOT REALLY SURE
I’M NOT SURE I CARE
I CAN’T SEE THE BOTTOM


FROM OR FROM THERE
SO I MUST BE SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN
BUT I’M WASTING MY BREATH CAUSE
YOU ALREADY KNOW
HOW I FEEL
AND EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN

I’m sorry if I weigh you down
WITH THE OCCASIONAL LIMP
AND MY PERMA-FROST FROWN
BUT ALL I REALLY WANTED
WAS TO EXPLAIN MY SITUATION TO YOU
I THOUGHT THAT I COULD CLARIFY
MY ABSENCE AND WHATEVER IT IS
YOU THINK I DO

But like everything else in my life
IT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH
IT JUST WON’T DO




SO WITH A TEAR IN MY HEART
I WATCH AS YOU LEAVE
WEARING THE DRESS I REMEMBER
AS A CHILD
THE ONE I ALWAYS WANTED TO CLING TO
I LOVE YOU.

Waking up

Woke up
WITH A PAIN INSIDE MY HEAD
SAT UP
AT THE EDGE OF THE BED
THOUGHT ABOUT
SLEEPING SOME MORE
BUT MY BACK ACHES TOO
AND MY LEGS
I CAN’T FALL ASLEEP ANY MORE
I CAN’T SLEEP WITH THE PAIN
I CAN’T REST WITH THE PAIN
I CAN’T SMILE WITH THE PAIN
FEELS LIKE I’LL NEVER SMILE AGAIN
I COULD TAKE SOME PILLS
TO HELP WITH THE PAIN
BUT I TAKE TOO MANY PILLS
THEY FUCK UP MY BRAIN
TOO MANY PILLS
TOO MUCH PAIN
DO I GET UP AND MEDICATE
THEN SHOWER TO HELP ALLEVIATE
THE PAIN
PAIN RUNS MY LIFE
PAIN STARTS THE SHOW
PAIN RULES MY WORLD
EVERYWHERE I GO
PAIN WHEN I’M HAPPY
PAIN WHEN I’M SAD
PAIN BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER
THE BEST SEX I EVER HAD
PAIN WHEN I’M PLAYING
PAIN WHEN I’M NOT

ONCE ON MY BIRTHDAY
PAIN WAS ALL I GOT
IT’S HARD TO EXPLAIN PAIN
BUT IT’S EASY TO SEE
I’M LAUGHING ON THE OUTSIDE
AT THE PAIN INSIDE ME
LATE AT NIGHT
OR AT THE BREAK OF DAWN
WHEN I’M AT WORK
OR PARTYING
BRING THE PAIN ON
IT DOSEN’T MATTER MUCH TO ME
HOW I FEEL INSIDE
WHAT BOTHERS ME MOST I THINK
IS THE PAIN IS HARD TO HIDE
WHAT’S THE MATTER
ARE YOU OKAY
AND I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
ARE THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAY
ITS NOT THAT I MIND ANSWERING
OR TELLING WHAT IS WRONG
IT’S JUST DAY AFTER DAY
IT’S A BROKEN RECORD
PLAYING THE SAME OLD SONG
WOKE UP
WITH A PAIN INSIDE MY HEAD

Pain

It comes to me every day
Greets me like an old friend
Some mornings it will not let me rise

Twenty years now it’s beckoned me

Though each movement hurts I will not give in
I will not be broken by its weight

At times it has drawn me deep into its lugubrious hole
but now I’ve grown quite accustomed to its ubiquity now

It’s mine not to offer
It’s mine to keep

The pathos only I feel I share through lament
God, how my emotions run empty at times

To go back now is only possible in dreams
Sleep when it comes brings relief

Changes come quickly; like the weather

It feels easier now.

The Chair

If I could get loose from this chair
I’d stand up, walk away with no care
But this damn pain has got me locked tight in this place
Sarcastic remarks from a miserable face.

If I could get loose from this chair
I could do without your sympathy just knowing you care
But my body’s so sore I could shout out loud
Leave me alone, go away, I used to walk so tall and proud

If I could get loose from this chair
I’ve got energy saved up and plenty to spare
I know I could easily get from here to there
If only I could get loose from this goddamned chair!