Thoughts of war

I remember
potato peel soup
tin can porridge
each morning you forage
you do what it takes
you eat what it makes
to survive
bones and marrow
salt is gold
water wine
life inside
is fine
life in a bunker
for a time
sunshine
when you can
when you can go out
life outside
is fearful
life outside the bunker
is loud
smells of decay
and sadness
nothing is the same
no one remains
scurrying like rats
among the rats
gathering with fear
whatever it takes
to survive
taking, wearing
dead men's clothes
and shoes
air raid drills
the daily news
how many more dead
the thick damp
musty air
in the bunker
a baby's first breath
of air
in there
iodine and cigarettes
cleanse and cauterize
shoe polish in the still
methanol on my breath
infection is death.

I was afraid
to venture past
the sand bags and
abandoned machine gun nests
I managed to once
I was frozen in my steps
there were ten
no twenty
there had to be a hundred
dead bodies
in various forms
decomposition
filled the air
grabbed my guts
I couldn't tell which side
any of them were from
as my guts burned
I puked until bile bleed
out from my eyes
at the horrible sight before me
that had me totally
unable to do anything but
puke and cry
puke and cry
feverish, blisters,
festering wounds
the stench
from the trench
where the dead lay
dear God
help me erase that day
make it through today.

One other day found me
searching for water
a canteen
I had seen
my luck
would find me
in place I'd never been
ankle deep in mud
and blood
rats were everywhere
there was so much blood
you could smell it's
sweet metallic odour
rats scurrying
gnawing, eating the dead
eating the dead!
I spotted three of them
huddled together
two were faceless
mortar shell I assumed
the third a young boy
no more than 19
I took his canteen
and then removed another
from the first faceless ones
severed arm
retrieving the third one
out of the red mud
I thanked them as I left
I had water
at least till tomorrow.

The slow winding sound
of the air raid siren
breaking through the air
again and then
whistling of bombs
and more bombs
falling from above
we all begin
the routine run
back into the bunkers
the ground shaking
earthquaking all around
machine gun fire
pecking through the air
like woodpeckers
the shouts of soldiers
attacking, running
lying, dying
people screaming
racing, pushing
and shoving
fear has children
pushed and left
as equal
they're shopping
for their life
and nothing, no one
can stop them
as they trample each other
stampede like wild animals
to be safe, perhaps.
When the door closes
the sound of bombs
and more bombs cover
the sounds of terror
sounds of abandonment
the sounds of death
Each time the door closes
is not without cost
new friends made
and old friends lost.

The streets are quiet
the dying are dead
children playing run over
under, around the rubble
without a care
the only know one thing
they only know to play
they only know war
the dead are part
of their environment
their neighbourhood
a graveyard
where friends and neighbours
lay and play

where a stone is the world

one child is all children
what will they bring
or take from this place
anger, hatred and guns
living in the danger zone

this war is all wars
introspective remembrance
numbs the mind
silences the tongue
blinds the eyes
witnessed the execution of
a priest and seven nuns
how can this be war
this makes no sense
killing innocents
the scars are deep
and for years
they will keep
the secret inside
deeply darkened
sad faces...

take my hand and we

will find a new home

a fresh start....

war pictures thanks to Illustrated History : Relive the times
http://incredibleimages4u.blogspot.com/

Grave Conversation

The flowers stopped growing one day
in mid bloom in the month of May
Seems the whole world stood still that day
When the Lord came and took you away
The flowers since have grown and died
I count the days by how often I've cried
I still can't believe it deep down inside
you're gone I know even though I tried
to hope and pray you back each and every day
and I just wanted to say
that I miss you so very much.


Don't stand weeping at my grave
Don't waste your tears on me there
I have gone and have been long gone
I have been everywhere
On the breath of the winds that blow
In the rain that falls from above
and snow that covers the ground
I'm in the bright sun's rays
on every summer day
I'm in the crispness of autumn
and the clouds that push the sun away
I'm in warmth of the morning light
I've soared high with birds in flight
Don't stand at my grave and cry
Don't waste your tears on me
For I did not die.

Snapshot of Myself

As I look down I see myself, a wrinkled and abused pile of bones
A voice echoes softly though the PCP fog in the room
A strong weathered figure urgently beckons to me
Although already slowly in an upward drift; my momentum halts
Soft words tug gently on the anchor of my soul
My direction changes
Back down through the floorboards and the ceiling above
The light of my existence had almost extinguished itself it seems
I feel a flicker and my mind begins to unbend
A warmth, a rekindling form within
The drowsy numbness of narcotics still in my brain
They say only the good die young
Well, I would have made a lovely corpse
But then I then I thank Oma for this snapshot of myself
And the chance to live again.

Changes

Changes keep happening
Life keeps changing
I used to keep up with
the changes
I was good at
rearranging
It used to be
So easy
To keep changing
With the changes
To keep track of
The changes...
changes
that keep happening
But
Lately I found
The changes keep happening
And life keeps changing
But it seems to me
That the changes
are changing things
far too quickly
I can`t keep up anymore
I don`t want to
keep up anymore
Tired of trying
So tired of
Trying to keep up
Only to end up
out of breath
in pain
on the floor
Once more
Thinking
My eyes blinking
Smiling
As the thoughts keep piling
Higher and higher
And the changes
keep happening
Keep changing things
Keep changing my life
Your life and my life
Our life
I`m out of breath
I`m out of so many things
I had before
Things that are gone
That I miss
Things from before
The changes...
have changed me
I don`t even know me
anymore
Please don`t let this be
The way that changes
have changed you and me
I want things to change then
I can`t stand this
change to the way
the way that things were
back when
The changes were changes
and we could keep up
to the changes
life`s changes
once more
thinking
my eyes blinking
smiling
thinking
once more of the days
from before...

In passing

The girl who once passed me in the hall
The first time we passed
Was at school in the hall
You didn’t know me or see me
And I was not aware of you at all

Perhaps had we met then
Things would not be the same
The dating, the loving
Then you taking my name

Though I’d never go back
For fear of the refrain
Of our love
But I’m curious just the same

If time were turned back
And we passed in the hall
Would we stop and talk
Would we fall in love in the hall

Would we notice each other at all
Or would we both smile
And keep walking
Totally missing the call

Oh love in the wings
One life’s greatest things
For since I first met you
I’ve been unable to forget you
The girl who once passed me in the hall

Post Mortem

The darkness of night slowly creeps in
Light flickers,
then fades into a blackened sky
The minds eye plays tricks with everything you see
Imagination triggers thoughts of the fears within
Try to relax, be your best self
But all you do is worry,
the gun’s in the drawer
the Bible's on the shelf
Each person you see reminds you again that
You’ve got to be certain,
one hundred percent certain
You were beaten, robbed, left for dead
No one was there,
you were by yourself
the gun’s in the drawer
the Bible's on the shelf
Critically wounded,
clawing to get help
Echoes of voices,
then sirens and nothing...

The gavel gives justice
like a loaded gun to your head,
The accused goes free,
his case was self-defense
Victims are all guilty
by their own choice the argument
Scenes of that night,
you never forget
you relive them every day
A promise, a threat,
uttered through a chuckle
You must take this seriously,
you must take arms
If ever again, then never again,
this will come to end
As you wait,
time passes slowly living in fear
Until the day you are certain,
one hundred percent certain...
the gun’s in the drawer
the Bible's on the shelf
the gun’s in the drawer
the Bible's on the shelf
time passes slowly living in fear
Until the day you are certain,
one hundred percent certain!

Sing a song to be reborn

To tell you the truth
I never thought I'd end up like this
So far from everything
So long from everywhere
As a child I always prayed
Opened my heart to heaven above
I gave what I could
I gave all my love
But something is wrong here
So far from everything
So long from everywhere
To tell you the truth
I never thought I'd end up like this
It's a long road home
It's so long when you're all alone
So far from everything you know
So long from everywhere you go
Far away, far too far away
And it's getting farther every day
To tell you the truth
I never thought I'd end up this way
It's such a long road home
It's so long when you're all alone
It's long way home
When you've gone so far
You can't turn back
Stay straight and narrow
Cling to today for tomorrow
For tomorrow will be your today
To tell you the truth
I never thought I'd end up this way
Lying in bed
Those thoughts in my head
Thoughts of my life
Thoughts of the future
It's been so long
And soon I'll be dead
Those thoughts thought
Were not like this
Those thoughts thought
Would never be like this
So why is it like this
We never thought this
We didn't want this
To tell you the truth
I never thought we'd end like this

Waking up
Lying on the floor
In warm pool of blood
I didn't do it
I wasn't even there
How can this be
Let me go
I have to go now
I have to see
As I look down
On the floor now
I see me
Waking up
Lying on the floor
In a warm pool of blood

Lying beside me
I see them
Each and every last one
I reach to touch
But they run away from me
I want to help but I can't
I don't even know who I am
I reach out to help them
But now they are gone

Waking up
Lying on the floor
In warm pool of blood
I didn't do it
I wasn't even there
How can this be
Let me go, I have go now
I have to see
And as I look down
On the floor now
I see me
Waking up
Lying on the floor
In a warm pool of blood

Turn your head up
Turn your head up to the sky
Reach out to Heaven
Reach way up high
It's funny how you can
It's funny to be this man
The same man
Though you may not know
Till your dying day
It's the same
The same song
You know the words
How it goes
You've known it all
You've sung this song
Once before
It's history repeating itself
Like it has
In the past
It's history
It's history repeating itself

To tell you the truth
I never thought I'd end up like this
So far from everything
So long from everywhere
As a child I always prayed
Opened my heart to heaven above
So help me now
Sing a song so we may be reborn
The same song we sung before
Same song as we sung before
Before the time
Before the day
Sing the song
Sing this all away...
Sing a song so we may be reborn

Turn your head up
Turn your head up to the sky
Reach out to Heaven
Reach way up high
It's funny how you can
It's funny to be this man
The same man
Though you may not know
Till your dying day
It's the same
The same song
You know the words
How it goes
You've done it all
You've sung this song
Once before
It's history repeating itself
Like it has
In the past
It's history
Yes it's history repeating itself
Sing that song
I'll sing along
Sing a song to be reborn...